I carry my heart in my stomach
My thoughts on my chest
My disappointment in my second mouth
Tired of trying
Tired of not trying
Tired of starring at the walls, my phone, the ceiling, the face in the mirror
Tired of starring and not moving
Must I always ask my right foot permission to move my left one?
Must I always argue with myself about the use of the word always, never and must?
Must I always try so hard to continue waking up in the mornings?
Or is my desire of less painful mornings a manifestation of life itself?
Is life trying to be born inside me?
If it is, should it be this difficult?
Why can’t I have complete domain of my lungs?
I own the brain that keeps you bastards going
Why can’t you obey me for once?
Every day I die a little
Every day in stillness is a day my essence becomes weaker
Every day I dream
I dream of the things I wanted to do but didn’t
I dream of death
Sometimes blood
Have you ever skinned anyone alive?
I have
In my dreams
To the very bone
Have you ever had the same dream seven times in a row?
I have
Sometimes I change my outfit just to make it bearable
Rage
Pure rage
My blood boils easily
I am angry
I don’t know why
Do your bones talk to you too?
There’s visceral rage in me
I don’t know where it comes from
My senses are easily overwhelmed
I despise unexpected noises
My heart drops immediately
Why is it so loud
So bright
So dry
I feel noise in my ligaments
Memories make me shiver
My leg has a life of its own
Failure is supposed to be my greatest fear
At least I’m told so
Is it really?
That’s where I sit by definition
I do not believe it is so horrible
Must I always strive for meaning?
I’m alive
This isn’t what I asked for
My friend says we choose to come to Earth
I say fuck me
Why would I choose to come to this hell loop
Sexual terrorism, said Christine
Bodies dropping
Children dying
Supremacy everywhere
Even Earth is in pain
My existence burdens this land
Because I, too, forgot I belong to her
Where do I start
Do I cut my veins open and instruct my family to turn my remains into a tree?
Maybe as a tree I would have more substance
Maybe this would conclude my transformation
Do you think I’d be an angry tree?
Do you think I’d grow roots so big I’d kill the other plants around me?
Passion forgot to knock on my door
Instead I live with a leech
Sour
Vile
Venomous twit
Get away from me
Haven’t you had enough?
Life is trying to be born inside of me
Don’t you see?
No need to ask
I know you see
So go
Rip out your eyes
Cut off your tongue
Chop down your legs
Ask a shark to bite off your arms
Let the priest burn a cross on your forehead
Set yourself ablaze
Screech
Bend your neck backwards
Let it break
Hear the ancestors in unison
They all call for your departure
You’re not wanted here
Can’t you hear?
Roll on the floor
Let glass shards pierce your ears
You don’t need them where you’re going
Let me go
I beg you
Life is trying to be born
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